Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in Carmarthen with Eggsy.

This is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Radio Wales in the salubrious offices. ... It's not offices. What are they? Where do you do a radio show in? Eggsy, I've forgotten the word. / Uh ... a ... a chamber, an audio chamber. / Audio chamber. / Studio. Studio. / Studio. ... / Strong response. / Studio. Salubrious studios. Uh ... luxury studios here in, uh ... Carmarthen, Southwest Wales, in my hometown. ... K(indly), Egssy's very kindly travelled to be here from Newport. / From Newport today. um ... / From Newport. / ... very excited, got a lovely luxury breakfast roll when I got ... I got here an hour early. / You got here an hour early. I got here 20 minutes ago. You got here an hour early. / Yeah. Uh, just ... / Why did you ... why did you get here an hour early? / Well, I thought holiday traffic was gonna hold me up. So, I just listened to a heavy metal, flew down the motorway, got here, realized I had an hour to spare, sweating slightly, uh, got myself, uh, some sort of bacon roll, and I'm living a dream now. It's like the beginning of the Olympics, or just before Freddie Mercury goes on stage at Wembley. I'm very excited today. / Are you? ... you're always very excited when you're on this show. / I love it. I love it. We ... we haven't done one together for a long time. / We haven't. And I'm gonna bring it back ... do you know what? today, / __ __ / we haven't done the show for a while __ I'm gonna bring back some classic features. / Oh, I'm so excited. / I've got lined up down there, I can see on the floor, I've got Celebrity out of Context Bingo, / A classic, / haven't had that for a while, / Classic, / I think we're gonna do a Last Note Standing, / OK. good. / Uh ... I'm gonna do a quiz for you. / I love a good quiz. I love a good quiz. / OK. I'll, I'll ... in the next link, we're gonna decide what qu(iz) ... I'm gonna be organized. / This is really good. / I've got two problems, though. 1: I've got a runny nose, / Um ... / I'm gonna ... I'm gonna move away from the mic and sniff. It's not great radio, ... / OK. / ... but it's gonna have to happen. / OK. / You cover me. / OK. So, Rhod is, um, just enjoying himself now in a chair, and ... hey, he's back in the room. He's back in the room. / He's back. / Great times. / Ladies and gentlemen, I think I covered that pretty seamlessly. / That was good. That was ... this is a strong show. I can feel the energy building up. This is great.

It's Easter. That's what it is, isn't it? It's ... it's, uh ... it's ... it's Easter weekend, isn't it? I don't know ... I don't know much about this. / Bank holiday weekend. Um ... / Bank holiday weekend, isn't it? / Yeah, yeah. Great times. / See, once you ... once you, uh ... you're probably the same ... once you don't do a real job, ... / Yeah, / ... you lose track of bank holidays. / Yeah. / since I __ become, uh, you know, comedian, I just, sort of, get up when you want, and try and write and __ __ __ you don't really go anywhere to work, so you don't / All track of reality is gone, yeah. ... I went to the pub on ... on Thursday night, and, obviously, it was a bank holiday weekend. ... Everybody goes out on the Thursday night 'cause they've got Friday off / Yeah. / And I could ... I thought it was a wake ... I thought someone had died / いつになく人が多かったので、葬式でもあったのかと思ったよ。/ because normally there are four of us in the pub, uh ... Thursday ... we __ talking / four of us in a pub on a Thursday. / Who was the other three? / Uh, my mate Graham, my mate Adam, and sometimes my mate Richie ... and, uh ... and then, the barman, Pete will join us on the other side of the bar for a drink. Sometimes he ... / it get's a bit embarrassing if he doesn't. / Yeah. It get's a bit quiet. / __ __ number __ __ / It get's a bit quiet / there was 30+ people in the pub. "Has someone died? What's happened?" / That's what the show feels like. / Yeah ... yeah, pretty much, pretty much so. It's like being in a pub on a Thursday. / ... Hey, we've got ... I said ... I mentioned earlier, um, talking of, uh, Newport, and the pub and things like that ... we've got this, uh, ... this week ... because __ / show to / 12:30 / we normally do is, uh ... normally, we split the show into two halves. In the morning, it's, uh, Coffee Morning, / Yes. I love Coffee Morning. Very relaxed, gentle way to approach the show. / a gentle, light-hearted gambol through the newspapers. / Yes. / Uh ... and then, after lunch, we pick it up with Lunch Club. / Uh, Lunch Club really takes it up there. / Different feel. / That's like, uh, difference between a local priest offering you a cup of tea, ... / Yeah, / ... and a high-power businessman taking you for a helicopter ride / A caffeine ... a caffeine ... coffee-fueled adrenalin / Yeah. / it's a fly-by / Julia, Julia, It's Phase II. Let's go. Get in the helicopter. / F(ly) ... it's a fly-by. / Yeah. / coffee-adrelanin-fueled fly-bys / Yeah. / Lunch Club, normally. ... Today, however, uh, we've only got a show to 12:30. So, we are fusing the two. / OK. So, more of a priest flying helicopter, that kind of thing. / More of, uh ... yes, uh ... a coffee-fueled priest. / OK. Still sounds good to me. / ... driving by in the popemobile. / Yeah. / Hey, the pope's fat. Apparently, he's overweight. Have you seen it? / Seriously? / Yeah. / What? I, now ... um ... / He's been, uh ... this week, the pope was, uh ... he's been told off for eating too much pasta. / Right. I can sort this out straight away. We have the pope mobile, right? __ __ ... / Who does? / Well ... us, as the ... as the world, uh, it's ... it's ... it's ... / Take it off him? / We won't take it off him personally. ... But the popemobile exists. OK? (It has) got a big glass / what do you mean / pope mobile does exist ... because, if you look at it ... / I don't think anybody was questioning whether the popemobile existed, mate. / But if you look at the popemobile, it looks like something out of Space: 1999. It's got the big glass dome over it. You know. It does look like something that shouldn't exist. / Yeah. / Um ... / I've always thought it looks like a hamster's ball in there. / Ex(actly) ... That's what I was gonna say. Why don't they put a hamster wheel in to power it? He would lose weight and he'd protected from assassins at the same time. ... See? / That is a genius idea. / A strong response in such a __ time / Yeah. Look at this. This is from Daily Mail, Thursday, April the 2nd. / OK. / It's not an April Fool / ４月２日のデイリー・メイルだ。ということはエイプリル・フールではない。 / OK. Good. / Hey, there were some April fools, uh, this week, I ... I've got'em down there. I've got some thins I wasn't sure whether they were April fools or not. I __ __ you in just a minute. / This could be a quiz. This could be good. / Could be a quiz. / OK. / Uh ... "Doctors tell pope to eat less pasta. / OK. Yeah. / the pope has been told by doctors he's got to lose weight. Vatican medics told him to cut his pasta intake to just two servings a week and he's got to take a daily walk ... like his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI. / This is amazing. / Uh ... "They're concerned about the sedentary lifestyle of the 70 year-old Cathoric leader who spends much of his time hard at work at his desk or at meetings ... or waving out the window." ... It doesn't say that. I added that bit. / That's a good ... / that should be / only / exercise / he gets out / window / just a little wave, just a little wave. ... Why doesn't he start a rugby team? You know. / He's ... he's put on considerable weight since he took office two years ago." I bet the food's good, as pope / I mean, if you are a pope, it's gotta be, isn't it? / luxury, I imagine. / "Get a couple of pizzas, but get a chicken tikka masala, put it on top / Now, it wouldn't be chicken tikka masala. Maybe / If I was pope, it would be all Italian. They only eat Italian food in Italy. / That's true. Um ... when I was in Rome last week, they only had Italian restaurants everywhere. / Yeah. / all Italian / Unbelievable / none of Chinese. Uh, nothing like that. / I went to Rome. I spent six hours __ trying to find an Italian. Gutted. / We were in Rome. Do you remember ... / Yeah. We had __ lovely time, lovely weekend together. / Except for that six hours looking for an Indian / Yeah. That was gutting. / we had brain. We finally had brain in the end. I'll never forget. We had a wonderful time. / しまいには脳みそを食わされた。あのことは忘れない。 / The pope's weight is thought to be aggravateing __ __" ... Anyway, so, uh, there we go ... he's sciatica. / there we go. Do you think he's got to lose some weight? / I think it's a good idea to, uh ... all joking aside, I think you could probably put some kind of little treadmill in the popemobile, / Why not? / ... so he powers it. It wouldn't go fast. It moves very slowly. ... If you took the engine out and just had the wheels loose, I'm sure his feet went through the bottom like the Ant Hill Mob or like the Flintstones ... yeah / ... What if it was just like, uh ... like ... / ... even seven other priests, and then there's some ... / if he / just / cardboard cutout of a car ... of a car that he held / he put his arm / outside the window and held the side / Exactly. / sticking out of the bottom / Bernie Clifton with a kind of cardboard popemobile around his ... / A religious Bernie Clifton. / チキチキマシン猛レースに出てくるあのギャングみたいに。僧侶をあと７人集めて頭数をそろえて。

We're having a light-hearted gambole through the news papers. ... "We won one million pounds twice." say a couple. Have you seen that? / What? This is ridiculous. / Yeah, I know. ... I know. There's a couple who won a lottery and they won it again. / Same ... same lottery? / Huh? __ __ __ / This is shocking / for ages / not come along once / The couple beat odds of __ __ billion to one." Those are ... those are bad odds. / I ... I once entered a competition to win a trip to Barcelona, and ... / They wouldn't be / billion to one / odds, would they? / そっちは当選確率 XX 億対 1 ってことはなさそうだな。 / didn't win / but I did win / oven glove. / Did you? / Yeah. I won an oven glove / one-handed oven glove / received this letter in the post / about a month after / enter the competition, / Yeah? / this is official / looking / letter in the post / your first one / Yeah. It might not ... / the first one that didn't say "The occupier"? / Yeah, pretty much / read / do you know what I mean? / and, um ... I was really excited. I thought I won __ trip to Barcelona, and __ __ __ __ to be an oven glove ... which was fine because ... / How did you ... how did that confusion resolve itself? / Well ... / At what point did you realize it was an oven glove, not a trip to Barcelona? / I thinki it ... it was ... it was the ... the ... for a while I thought the flight ... I thought the ticket was a big, spongy square ticket. Just ... I thought, "This is a really big / maybe / looked like __ Barcelona / you know, you get / if you do __ __ __ charity / cheque / Yeah. / So, I thought, "Maybe / won the competition / I __ __ giant novelty ticket for the ... for the flight. I was like "Uh, this will be good." / Yeah, yeah. / ... ripped it open __ __ literally crying with excitement / and you thought / oven glove / and / arrived __ novelty ... / It wasn't even that good an oven glove that had two ends. It was a heavily-branded, one left-handed oven glove / なぜバルセロナへのチケットだと思ったんだ？/ 賞品としてもらう券とかって、モコモコしてたりするでしょ？ / big bit of brand name / I was gonna ask you / oven gloves connected in the middle / I've got ... I've got a Swedish oven glove at home, right? It's got pictures of Moomins on it. OK? Technically, that is two separate gloves with no connector. OK? / Yeah? But that's better, isn't it? / Much better, I think, and ... / I've never thought about that before. Why do oven gloves have that connector? Why ... what ... what is the point of limiting your hands to only be 14 inches apart? / All I can suggest is, if you're ... um, cooking, you put a pie, um, outside to cool down. It might be a bit chilly ... wrap around your neck like a scarf when you take a pie outside to cool down / オーブンからパイを出して、それを冷ますために外へ持っていくでしょ。そのとき寒くないように、つながった鍋つかみをスカーフみたいに首に巻くの。 / __'s all I can suggest / that's what it is, isn't it? / dangle over things / maybe __ __ __ ... maybe the bar of the oven /__ grill. / Yeah. Or, for example, there might be __ house fire. Uh ... your cat's caught, right? And / dangle him out of the window to lower it to safety / oven glove / lowering them to safety / to lower him to safety / hop / lowering down / cat__ might struggle a bit / land on their feet / hamster / But it does ... it does rely on you living only 14 inches above the floor, doesn't it? / bedroom / your first floor being about 14 inches from the floor. / Actually, if you tie the end of the oven glove to a bed sheet, you can get at least two stories / Yeah, yeah, but once you start / bringing other items / you might as well / use / Anyway, let us know if you think you know the answer to why oven gloves are connected. / This is such a good show. This is such a strong show today. This is really ... / Do you know ... I can never understand why half the listeners switch off after Owen Money. / I never understood it either. I never understood ... / I never ... / Even with my own dad / do you hear the show today?" "Nuh. / turned it off." "How come? / Owen Money / oven gloves, yeah / ... Hey, we've got a ... we've got a feature for you / Huh. Come on. This will get someone listen to it again. / Talking about Owen Money, / pinched / from Owen Money has a feature called, uh ... First Note or something. / Yeah. / I don't know. I can't / that's ... that's when ... / __ name the entry __ / that's when he's got __ mass of listeners. / That's when he / Yeah. / He plays __ a note, the first not of a song / guess what it is. / OK. / I've nicked it and called it Last Note Standing. / so, I play the last note of a song. / You're just re-inventing it / post-modern. That's all __ __ doing / twist. Uh, ... so, I __ __ __ __ last note of a ... a track and see if you can guess what it is, and, if not, I've decided to make this feature into a slightly different ... __ revolution of this feature / if you don't get it / play the last two notes then last three notes and so on till you do get it. Let us know what you think this song is from this note. / ... / It's a good strong clue, that. I don't know what it is, ladies and gentlemen, by the way, at this stage. I'm waiting for the, uh, next, the penultimate note standing. / That ... just that note, in itself, sounds very much like, um, there would be an ancient brotherhood. They'd be wearing hooded tops, they'd be feasting, / kicking / "Silence !" / and no / kicking / "Let the games begin !" / I ... I don't think I'm alone in not knowing what you are talking about.

There's a few things I wasn't sure about whether / about / I'm not sure whether / April fools or not / this one / OK. .. Can we __ __ into a quiz "April Fool or Not?" __ __ you can ask me / I'm not sure / turn this into / quiz / more of, uh ... / it's a ... you know, well ... / A stranger story? It's like __ stranger story? / It's a stranger story ... "coffee cup", it says, "... that you can eat." / 食べられるコーヒーカップだとさ / OK. ... Right, OK. ... You could eat ... technically, you could eat any coffee cup, but it might kill you ... and you'd lose all your teeth. / 理論的には、あらゆるコーヒーカップは食べることができる。死ぬかもしれないけどね。歯も折れるだろうし。 / This one is, uh ... that you can eat non-fatally. / OK, 'cause, uh ... OK. OK. OK. Well, Non-fatal edible coffee cup. / Non-fatal edible coffee cup. / OK, OK. / "It doesn't look very appetizing ... / Huh huh, / ... but this edible coffee cup is a first in Britain." ... Is ... is this ... is this April fool? I don't ... / This is rubbish. / I don't think it is / April fool OK. / It's ... it's a chocolate-covered biscuit ... / This is ... this is ridiculous. / "... fast food chain ... bluh bluh bluh ... their 'scoffee cup' is designed to keep the contents hot ... / So, what __ __? __ the scoffee cup? / ... scoffee cup ... / Huh. / ...is designed to keep the contents hot and the biscuit crispy as you drink. / Now, this .... yeah. / Right? It's got a layer of sugar paper ... / Yeah, / ... on the outside and the coating of white chocolate inside. As the cholocate melts, the cup slowly softens, providing a sweet treat at end of your beverage." So, you drink the coffee and then eat the cup. Where does it ... / What ... what ... what they've failed to mention ... / I've never thought / cup of coffee / I've never got to the end of the coffee / I really wanna eat this cup. I'd really love it if I could eat the cup now / uh, what I ... what I also, um, like, they forgot to mention / you also get type II diabetes if you had more than one cup. ... They haven't mentioned that, have they? / __ __ I haven't read to the end, but probably / where does it all end? / I've never thought I wanna eat the cup / it's like / eating / I think, when ... why __ __ so keen to blur the distinction between what you're eating and the thing you are eating out of? / Would ... would you buy a loaf of bread, hollow it out and pour __ two __s of lemonade inside? No. / You know. / but there is a chipshop in Carmarthen __ __ used to be. There used to be __ a loaf of bread / hollow / load of chips / one of the best things I __ ever / I don't know if they still do it. / That's pretty good, / It was pretty good. That's fair enough. / That's ... that's more of, um ... you've got a couple of ales, you celebrate __ __ friends / it's a basic meal to share / friends on the street / great thing. / __ diabete coffee cup? I'm sorry, but ... / why would you / Where is ... where is the end? / gonna eat next? A table? / I worked, many years ago ... / A counter? / ... in / patent office, right? / you didn't work in / all I had to do / nothing important. All I had to do is photocopying stuff. It was nothing ... nothing major, all right? And ... / 特許__で働いた事があるんだ。 / got excited. I thought that you were the man who made the decisions / most of them were asleep, which is very interesting. But, regardless of that, I once saw a patent for ... if you imagine __ pre-packaged sandwich / I could imagine that. / OK. Right. / Everyone at home, / Think ... think now. Think hard. / think about pre-packaged sandwich / cheese ... now, / Is the flavor important? ... the contents important? / 具も想像する必要があるのか？ / Well, it is important, because ... check this out. For example, if you have a lot of tomato in a sandwich, ... / Yeah, / the liquid seep__ through and the bread goes soggy / yeah / so / counter __ __ petrol station or __ garage, it __ __ soggy / Also, when we get / a lot of tomato in a sandwich / my wife takes it out on the dashboard of my car. ... I'm too lazy to clean it, and I'm also resentful, so it stays there. / Like a vegetarian car park ticket? / Yeah. So, if you look at how the dashboard, it looks like __ somebody started making a pizza on it, and then ... / The ... the patent I saw was, ... in ordert to stop sogginess transfer ... / still / can't believe / patent office. How exciting ! / Sector G7 / G7? / Sector G7, I think it was. And it was __ graphics / and / reproduce patents for people to look at. / Wow. / By ... I ... basically, I photocopied stuff ... / Yeah. __ __ / ... eight hours a day. / Fair play. / Um ... but this patent I saw, OK, so ... very much like the edible coffee cup, allowed you to put soggy contents into a sandwich, and the sandwich wouldn't get soggy because they would go into an edible bag that the bread went around. / No. / Yeah. An edible ... and now, this was ... / No. / ... this was 17 years ago ... more than 17 years ago now. I still haven't seen that on the shops, so I don't know what happened with it. / So, you make the sandwich, get two bits of bread, / Yeah. / And you ... instead of ... so, you butter the bread? / Yeah. / Right. / instead of putting __ the contents, / call / your soggy filling / Your soggy ... it could be anything soggy. / your ham / your ham / your lettuce or whatever / anything that / put that in a bag / special see-through bag, then put the bread on top. / I haven't seen that. / And, when you bite into it, it's as fresh as the day it was taken out of the ... / I haven't seen / I __ __ the patent, and I saw a diagram. They drew a diagram for it. / Uh ... talking of food and inventions, and ... and also ... / we're on to something here / well, __ also / I mean / edible coffee cup / I don't see where it ends / what / gonna eat / table next? The plate? The cutlery? I've never thought ... I'm ... I'm happy to have a distinction between what I'm drinking and what I'm drinking it out of. / this isn't Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. This is a real world. Get a grip, fast food outlets. / But, look at this. On April 1st, I saw this story. Is this an April fool / you'll know / patent office experience. / OK. Here we go. / I've got a lot of experience of photocopying stuff, and I've seen this on television, I've even __ __ gossip. Here we go / this is bread-related as well. / See? What a ... __, this is one of the strongest shows we've done ever, Rhod. / I know / This is a great show. OK. / Uh ... To my shame, it is one of the strongest shows I've ever done ... Um ... / Kingsmill develops ... other, ... other brands're available / Other ... loads of brands are available. / ... develops ready-toasted loaf." / Oh, come on. ... This ... what? / I don't understand this __ or __ April fool / it says / aimed at those who haven't got much time, right? It's bringing out __ pre-toasted loaf for consumers who want to eat breakfast on the go. / This is stupid. / "... If successful, its new loaf of toast ... / Oh, come on. / ... which is being tested, could spell the end of the toaster. / This is ... this is ridi(culous) ... where ... where are you gonna __ __ residual heat of toast __ __ __ ever enjoy the residual heat of toast / That's what I don't get. / Yeah. / That's what I don't get. Basically they say they've been working on this ... this toasted bread, right? So, you buy a pack of toast ... / OK. / not bread. / Right. / It says, "They've patented a filament technology, which, when they slice the bread, it heats it at the same time to one thousand degree centigrade ... / You can end up with a lot of ash on your plate. / Well, it says here, it's ... "... when you slice in it, it's heated to one thousand degree / creating 18 perfectly-toasted slices as it cuts through each / go / shop / buy / comes back, __ __ __ that's not hot, though. / I've, I mean, this ... this, to me ... / surely / main things about toast is that it is hot. / It's gotta be hot. And it ... I like when toast is so hot (that it) just leaves a little patch of sweat underneath where it's been on the plate. You're not gonna get a sweaty plate __ that / No. You're not gonna get melty butter / that / you / on / this, to me is not where I wanna be ... I'm thinking, tins of beans / heat / in the late 80's. / Look at this. "This is for people who do not __ have easy access to a toaster." / I'm so ... I'm speechless. I'm speechless. It is ridiculous. / Who are these people who don't have easy access to a ... to a toaster? / You know what it's like? You're on the go, you've taken the kids to school, you come back home __ __ you can't find a toaster. / トースターを容易に入手できない人々の身になってごらんよ。

I was reading something that appeared in the, uh ... City and Finance section of the Daily Mail, last ... on April the 1st, and I was / April fool about __ loaf of toast / and I've just read on / read / bit / didn't get to while we were talking about it. / OK. / It says, uh ... "The device retains / integrity of the loaf / packaged to / to absorb / moisture / to keep the toast crisp. Ani Diot, head of Creative Baking ... / Huh. / There you go. That's ... that's it. / "An idiot", eh? ... Yes. ... So, OK, so ... there is the clue. / Yeah. We ... __ __ us / the thing is, though / as I was thinking about this __ / this / uh / is it __ April fool? Why would you want / you know, buy a loaf of toast / hot and stuff / but part of the reason I / semi-believe in it, or believe in it, was because ... __ __ and stuff / buy those bags of toasted bread / those bags of dry toasted bread / does / it does exist / already ex(ists) ... __ you can't play April fool __ __ __ something (that) already exists. / Exactly. Who's more foolish / fool / don't kid __ __ who's been kidded by a kidder, / kid ... thing / yeah / kingdom of the bread / toast / Exactly. / Get a grip, bro. / ... Uh ... is this an April fool, that ... "The Thai plango. It's taken years to develop. / No. I've heard about this. I've ... I don't believe it's an April Fool / I don't know who to believe any more / I mean, this is it. I mean, you know, / this is it / this is like The X Files / apparently / looks like / it's a mango ... / Huh, / ... that doesn't dribble ... or you don't get fiber stuck in your teeth. So, it's for mango lovers ... / OK. / ... who don't like getting dibble from a mango / I quite like the dribble. / just / add to the excitement of eating it. / Well, / Exactly / tell me of this "plango". / Uh ... well, it says it's called the Thai ... as in "Thailand" ... plango. It's taken scientists years to develop, and lets mango lovers enjoy your mango without the dribbles, drips or / those fibers stuck in your teeth / it took four years to develop the plango. ... Cost 1 pound, apparently. / Four years to develop? / Yeah. / So, there's been a bunch of scientists in a room / four years / Ian, have you got / still dribbling / still dribbling / Lea? / still dribbling / slightly dry __ mouth, but, yeah, / still a bit of fiber there. / See, that's what / passed / in the patent office? / n__ / interestingly enough, it may ... I may have seen that patent __ years ago ... years and years ago / just come through now. I mean, that sandwich __ in a bag, it's still / it's still __n't out. / If anyone knows anything about that sandwich __ __ __ in __ bag, / just tell / quickly / remind our listeners / OK. So, if you've just tuned in, I was just talking about the concept of a sandwich / obviously fillings __ quite soggy / I once saw / concept of a patent __ um ... allowing a edible bag to be put between the slices of bread that stops the soggy contents leaking out on to the ... on to the bread. / Yeah. / So, it was like a sandwich packaging ... edible packaging unit built within a sandwich. / Within the sandwich. / Within the sandwich. / You don't put the ingredients __ filling in ... in beteen the bread. You put it into a bag ... / Yeah. / that in-between / and it gives you a crispy, um ... / sounds like ... / fresh / ... an April fool to me. / It ... it sounds just horrible, for ... for a start. / It does. I think I'd rather have slightly soggy bread ... / Yeah, / ... than have to eat a bag. / Huh. ... You're never gonna catch me eating ... / Yeah. you're never gonna catch me drinking a coffee from an edible cup. I'm telling you that, mate. / "Happy Easter, Rhod. We're on our way to St Davids. We've timed our journey to listen in. Please bring ... bring back Chimp Quiz. / Chimp Quiz. / Uh ... M__ and S__ / Hello, M__ and S__. I ... I can't bring back Chimp Quiz. I'll tell you what we will do. We'll do a qiuz / in the second half of the show / yes / I love a good quiz / let me ... / I love a good quiz / let me / get the quizzes __ __ you hold the fort / you can choose ... / yeah / ... which quiz you'd like. / quiz. Um ... obviously, Rhod is preparing the quizzes now. Um, I've done a lot of research over the years by watching daytime television and reading books of ghosts. ... / OK. / So, here we go. Um, the quiz is about to begin. / ... Watching daytime television? Dude, that does sum you up. / It pretty much, yeah. That ... that's pretty much __ __ ... / That will be on your ... on your headstone, I think. / それがおまえの墓に刻まれるだろうな / Yeah. / Eggsy ... Watch Daytime TV / ghost / whole outlook on life. / Everything on life __ based on daytime TV or ghost. / Right. OK. / OK. / Quizzes available today. / OK. Here we go. / Sometimes I let the listeners decide. But they usually don't bother to decide anything. / I mean, it's bank holiday / most / garden centers now anyway. So ... / Body Part Quiz. / Wow. Wow. This is a ... this is a strong one. I spoke __ __ biology just one week ago, so that's already strong in my mind. / OK. / OK. Yeah. / Uh ... Obsolete Word Quiz is back. / OK, yeah. / on the ... on the ... uh ... / I like a good word. / Um ... Evolution of Human Body Quiz. / So, there's a strong biological theme? / At the moment. / OK, yeah. / Only at the moment. / I really ... I really ... yeah ... I really like Body Part Quiz. __ / James Bond Quiz. / Oh. / I'm not sure about that. / OK. / I've still got my Real Man Quiz, which Lloyd Langford has done and Korkey has done ... / I could do that. / ... to see if you are a real man. / OK. That'd be interesting. / Here's my favorite, though. / OK. / Tea Bag Quiz. / Oh, tea, one of my favorite drinks. OK. / Should we have Tea Bag Quiz? / Let's do. Let's do. I was heading towards Body Part Quiz, but Tea Bag Quiz, get me in there.

Tea Bag Quiz. / Right. Here we go. / I'm launching this today, and I've decided that ... I'm so confident in Tea Bag Quiz that I've already made a leader board. During the news ... I've made a leader board that says ... what does that say? Tea Bag Quiz ... / Tea Bag Quiz Leader Board, ... uh, Eggsy, Lloyd, Korkey, Tom and ... is that Barry at the bottom? / Barry. / I / who else / get / co-hosting / very ably last week / who else / co-hosting? / Um ... I think __ __, isn't it? / you__ / first / OK. Here we go. / Slightly different ... normally, I would ask a question and require an answer. / Huh huh. / This is a slightly different quiz. / Yeah. / And I've given you, ... during the news ... I gave you a chance to come up with some answers. ... __ __ said to you ... I want 15 things ... / Yeah, / ... that you can do with a tea bag. / Outside of making tea? / Outside of making tea. ... If you say "making tea", I'd ... "Xxx, xxx." / It's ... it's out of the equasion. Disqualified. / We all know you can make tea with it. / おまえが「紅茶を作ること」って言ったらおれは「ブッブー」って言うから。/ ティーバッグを使って紅茶をつくれるのは、誰でも知っていることだ。 / Yeah. / Right. So, you have ... um, this is ... this ... I'm ... I'm making this format / as I go along, in case you can't tell. So, / tea / do / every co-host from now on. You have, ... uh ... I've got 15 things that, according to scientists and experts, ... / Yeah, / ... you can do with a tea bag, outside of making tea. / OK. / 15 surprising things you can do with used tea bags. I should've said "used" tea bags. I didn't tell you that during the news. / OK. / It's used tea bags / OK. / You've got one minute ... starting ... from ... now. 15 surprising things to do with used tea bag__. / No.1. ... post-party eye swelling reducers for people on the go. / Yes. / No.2. ... / Yes. That's true. Yes. / No.2 ... GCSE art montage material for a piece on the history of the tea trade and colonial India. / ... It's not on the list. / OK. No.3. ... Shoe insoles. Sports__/sweat-absorbers for those with smelly feet. / Oh, yes. ... "Soften your feet" is one / warm water / soak / feet / to neutralize foot odor. / Good, good. 4. ... Pillow for a cat. / Cat pillow ... / Cat pillow. Or any animal. Pillow for any animal. / Xxx xxx. / No.5 ... A cheap alternative to tobacco for those looking to give up smoking. / It's not on the list. / OK. No.6. ... Caffeine-infused sherbet for the kids. / Not on the list. / Create illusion of being cash-rich by stuffing it into __ wallet. / Oh, your time's up. / start / M__ M__ / I ... I also have cheap __ __ __ makeshift g__ for __ __ __ __ movie / Wait, wait, wait. What was the one you said when I was ... / The last one I said? / The last one you said. / The cheap alternative for tobacco for those looking to give up smoking, or caffeine-infused sherbet for the kids. / No, not that one. The one after that / one after that / by stuffing __ into wallet / by stuffing used tea bag. Let me just check. / Just double-check that 'cause / might / quite a strong idea. Um ... / double-checking, Rhod's double-checking, / going through the list. / It's __ strong contender / using / double / the list / strong contender / using / not / that ... that should have been on there / good effort. / OK. / you did very well / imaginative things / stuffing for scarecrow or other terrifying Halloween dummy. That would've been ... / Stuffing for scarecrow or other teffifying H__ d__. ... Let me just check. / Yeah / It's not on the list / or __ creating stockings in World War II. / I'm __ __ ... I'm not gonna give you these anyway, but / just for academic now / OK, yeah. / What's that again? / もう点数はあげられないが、後学のために、もう一度言ってくれ。 / creating stockings / by rubbing / to brown them slightly, and then you draw a line on the back of your legs. ... / let me have a quick look / instant stockings / Leg browners. / Leg browners, yeah. / Fake tan, essentially. / fake tan ... a cheap fake tan / 足にこすりつけて色を付け、一見靴下を履いているように見せる。第二次世界大戦中の物資不足のときによく行われた。 / is not there / OK. / I think we'd all agree ... / Huh huh, / ... that all the things / came up with there / good / solid / legitimate things to do with used tea bags. But they weren't on my list. The two you did get right from my list were / what did you say? / removing dark circles ... what did you say? / post / for people on the go / businessmen and door-to-door salesmen and that sort of things / and I'll give you a point for that. Here it says / remove dark circles / puffy eyes / use two used tea bags to cool / place them over your closed eyes. The tannins in the bag __ reduce puffiness and soothe your eyes, __ lie back and relax for 15 minutes as they work their magic. Boom ! / yes / You've got a point for that. And the other one was, softening your feet and stopping them smelling. / Great stuff. / Absolutely right.

Oven gloves are great on your head when doing a dog impression. / Good. Very good use of oven glove outside of being an oven glove. / We were ... we were __ing ... pondering, uh ... wonder ... we're wondering why oven gloves __ __ connected __ __ __ the best __ we've come up with, apart from dog impressions / they were, uh, designed to hang over the bar of the oven / you __ ... you ... well, either that, or / lower__ a hamster down by 18 inches / hamster down / we __ established you can't lower them very far. / No. / bit / a makeshift scarf / other things / if you lived in a bungalow / perhaps you / lower them out there / window / just ... / just leave / just / reach down / put them on the floor, surely. __ __ __ __ particularly short arm / I mean, you / maybe a child needs to lower the hamster / maybe / child's hamser-lowering tool. / There you go. That's what it should be technically known as. / oven gloves", says Mark / sort of answering __ own question / Yeah, sort of answering / the connectors are for safety in case __ the pie explodes / middle of __ __ oven gloves / protect your eyes / many hot contents / I'm not sure / Hi Rhod and Eggsy. What a strange coincidence ! My mother and I are driving from Carmarthen to Newport. / Wow. / Huh, the reverse of, uh, what you did this morning. / Yes. / ... to look at some badgers / OK. Are they / right place? / Don't know. / OK. / they have a lot of ... Newport ... / I've seen ... I've seen a fox / Newport / I've never __ ... No. I've never seen a badger. I've never heard people talk about badgers / even / that's like / talk / never in Newport. Oh, no. / anything / that / I know the company you keep. / If you walk into a pub and you mention the word "badger"... / Yeah? / literally, it's like an American __ __ in London / everyone / goes very quiet. / Yeah? / ... very quiet, and you'll just have to leave. / Uh ... it says here, / Huh. / we are driving / to Newport, looking for some badgers and possibly return with one." / Now, that's not allowed. / Have you confu ... confused badger with rescued dog or something? / Yeah. Or ... or sofa, or DVD player, / Oh yeah, maybe. / or __ 42 inch plasma TV / you don't ... you don't bring / nobody would drive from Carmarthen to Newport / that's true, actually. Just use the ... / might be, like, maybe / dog rescue center or something / Yeah. Or ... or, um ... / they might have seen a second-hand sofa ... or a free cycle / something / second-hand sofa / you're right there. They might have / second-hand sofa. / Yeah. / But look at / I'm not quite sure / A__ and __ / that's ... that's dangerous. / I hypothesize that oven gloves are indeed attached to the ... to conveniently hang then up when not in use __ __ __, so you don't lose them. ... Love the show." I don't see why __ any more likely to lose then when they are separate. Also, if you do lose / both / separate / still / one oven glove is not useless. / My, um, separate oven gloves ... I've got little magnets in them. / Have you got both separate hands joined? / one in a competition / single oven glove / as we heard earlier, you thought / holiday / Barcelona / turned out to be an oven glove / a big spongy / Barcelona / bright red and heavily branded / I gave it to my mother. ... Got my own Moomin's oven gloves / yeah / two oven gloves / yeah / no / magnet sewn into them so you can just stick them on / side of anything metalic in the kitchen. / But, don't you then ... how would you put the saucepans down? / magnet is the worst thing they could possibly have / pick it up / you're trapped, stuck to the hot saucepan / You have to slide your hands out just leave it / That's __ terrible idea / it's __ Swedish for you / Who put that through the patent office? Oven gloves / magnet so you can't even / oven tray down / this is the world of oven gloves. It's ... it's mental. It's insane. / 鍋つかみの世界はクレージーなんだ。 / The whole world __ __ __ ... I've never seen __ __ with magnets / would you ... you ... would you have given that __ patent / working in the patent office / doing photocopying, yeah / Would you have given that a patent? / I mean, I __ __ full power __ __ I would have / Yes or no, on the spot, patent distributer? / No. / Right. / It's a strong response. / Uh, uh. / Sorry. / That's all we need / "yes or no on the spot" game / quick game of it / I am in / the game is called "Chaz or Dave" / I guess / I'm in / game / Buzzzz. / Go. / Dave. / Chazz. Sorry. / Damn. / これは「チャズかデイヴか」っていうゲームで ... / はい！ / どうぞ。 / デイヴ。 / 残念。チャズでした。/ しまった。

If you enjoyed that, why don't you / whole show, Rhod Gilbert / on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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